Norway: How many Kronas?

Summer is here!! Out of absolutely nowhere the sun is out, the nights are balmy and the mercury has jumped about ten degrees. I now have two superfluous hoodies in my backpack, which I'm pretty sure will be ditched the moment I confirm the UK has followed this summer trend. I'm writing this from a bus on my way from Oslo to Copenhagen after an amazing week in Norway, the third leg of my scandanavian Uni reunion tour.

Backpacking in Norway is a lot like dating a supermodel. It's spectacular, and beautiful and you love every minute but deep down you know you can't afford it.  Foolishly I decided to spend an entire wek here visiting my old teammate TC. Scandanavia in general hadn't been too bad up until this point. Sweden had been expensive, but only because I'd decided to go out drinking every night, Norway however took one look at my $500 budget for the week and just laughed. It doesn't help that the currency is the krona, which has the has a decimal place one spot to the right, meaning you're always spending in tens and hundreds, but the worst part is that our dollar only buys six kronas. The net effect of this is you go buy two beers and all of a sudden all of your money is gone.

However, just like with a supermodel, if you spend too much time worrying about how much you're spending while you're here, then you're missing the point. Norway is spectacular. I arrived on an overnight bus from Stockholm at 530am, then proceeded to get completely lost trying to find TC's place. I managed to lug my backpack around for 2 hours, being told the wrong directions by 3 different cabbies, before finally getting spot on directions from a blonde beauty going for her morning jog (there's a lesson in there somewhere I'm sure). TC wasn't actually living at his apartment yet, as he'd just bought it. So I had to wait another hour before he got there, meaning I had to wait even longer to get some real sleep on a cushioned surface. However when TC arrived I was presented with a beer and told to suit up as we were hitting the town after a champagne breakfast with his mates. I figured, what the hell, when in Rome, do what the drunken rich classy norwegians do. One of  his mates donated me a suit, which was very lucky as this would have been a new low for me in a life of chronically underdressing, rocking skate shoes, jeans and a wrinkled shirt in a posse of guys who looked like they were straight out of Mad Men.

I heard the phrase 'Norway's Independence day' thrown around a few times, but I'm pretty sure this was just a standard Thursday in Oslo. It was a crazy party. After breakfast champagne, beer and shots and a delicious spread of cheese and italian meats on bread rolls (they have this for breakfast all over Scandanavia, I'm moving here if I ever become a cardiologist!) we headed out onto the town where pretty much all of Oslo was out in traditional dress or suits, and with a beer in their hand.

Herr TC Valle and myself classier than we ever were at Lander



This photo is only to show the norwegian traditional dress.


I won't bore you with too many details of the day, partly because it was a lot of shameless spring break style shenanigans that shouldn't be mentioned in polite company, but mainly because by the end of the night my memory got a bit fuzzy. One thing I do remember was the graduating high school students and their party buses. Apparently Norwegians looked at the one week debauchery of schoolies in Aus, or spring break in the US, and thought it was a bit weak. Instead their high school leavers get their own bus which they ride around in, drinking, pulling pranks and generally causing chaos for A MONTH!! They then do their final exams a week after this! Christ I'm glad I didn't go to school here. I managed to miss pretty much all the iconic high school parties because I was playing tennis. Considering I got in trouble for staying late at a party two weeks before the HSC, I'm pretty sure my parents would've had me as the only student to miss all of Schoolies month.

And that's how you become the wealthiest per capita country in the world...

The next day, with both of us nursing hangovers, we headed for the fjords. TCs dad had let us borrow his BMW (as you do) and we were heading across the middle of the country to Stavangar. Most people thought we were crazy doing this, as you can drive faster by the south coast, or fly for almost the same cost and in 7 hours less time. Most people are missing out. The drive was one of the most amazing things I've ever done. There was everything, from rolling rivers, alpine roads through snow fields, ferry rides, and the most spectacular roads weaving alongside the fjords. It was also great fun as TC and I proved once again that planning is for suckers. We didn't really plan our way across and may have taken the slightly scenic route. By that I mean we had to double back at one point and then ended up on a route where we had to catch a ferry at midnight, a time we weren't 100% sure the ferry would be running at. If the ferry wasn't running we would have arrived around 4am. The end result of this was we got a ferry ride at sunset, free hot dogs (which in Norway are wraped in bacon!!) and chocolate buns from a servo restaurant we stopped into to ask about the ferry times, and we literaly drove straight onto the midnight ferry as we arrived, exactly as it docked.

Bacon AND crispy onion AND their own special hot dog sauce. What a country.

We managed to take a couple of hundred photos along the way, usually with TC yelling "tunnel" or "fjord" and demanding I take the photo. I also introduced TC to the jumping photo, which ended up dominating most of the rest of the photos for the trip. We ended up getting in at 1am to TCs friends Christian and June's place, who had beers and shrimp sandwiches waiting for us. Pretty tough day really.

We ended up going to two different fjord spots, one called the preachers pulpit, and another where there's a rock stuck between two cliffs (don't remember the name). In keeping with the theme of the trip we did pretty much no planning and just rocked up with a couple of bananas and half a bottle of water. Our hike sort of turned into a bear grylls episode from there. If he does an episode where the scenario is someone getting teleported from their desk at work onto the top of a snow covered cliff then I'm pretty sure TC will get paid royalties. We got told that it was a 30 minute to 1 hour hike, and that there may be a little snow on the wedged rock. Turns out there was 2 metres deep snow on half of the hike, the route took about 4 hrs total, and the wedged rock was completely inaccessible thanks to snow covering the track leading to it. However we trudged onwards, despite the fancy hiking gear wearing people looking at us doubtfully and trying to warn us not to go.  In the end it was so worth it, and the hike was really fun. One part had a hill about 200m high at an angle of like 35° which was covered in deep snow. It was a bastard to ascend, but the descent on the way back was awesome, and we did it in about 20 seconds. The view at the end of the hike was incredible, and naturally we took another couple of hundred jumping photos. We capped off the day with the champions league final, and a well earned beer, and then a whole bunch of ill advised ones.

Also, just as an aside, below there will be some photos of people near very high cliff faces possibly jumping or hanging over the edge of drops up to 800m high. Norway, with all of its wealth, has invested in see through safety rope systems, which are attached to each hiker. You wont see these in the photos because they're see through! Therefore if you happen to be the mother of anyone in the following photos, you'll have nothing to worry about and can just enjoy the lovely scenery.

The drive on the way up, when we began to realise it might not just be a light dusting of snow.

Saskwatch sighting

TC's 'hiking' shoes letting him down.

Knackered Valle

The next day we did the much easier (and not snowed in) hike to the preachers pulpit. I'll just let the photos talk for this place. 



That little speck is me.


We then did the long drive home and I've been spending the last few days just  hanging out in Oslo with TC and his family. I checked out a couple of cool things in the city. One was the park in town (forgot the name again) that has some very cool sculptures. I want to find out the story behind it because this guy would've been an interesting spouse. Although his angry kid statue is so perfect.

Thats a big knife. Seriously though, why do palaces require guards to stand there for hours on end. Surely one dude and a bunch of security cameras and a phone would do, like it does for security everywhere else.

The extremely lovely Mrs Valle and an empty dishy that had only minutes before contained a massive lasagne.

Alright America, we'll see your Washington monument and raise you some naked dudes.

Like I said, this guy had an interesting family life.

Baby Alan Jones

I also checked out their ski jump that overlooks the city. I've decided I now want to go watch this sport live!

Some Norwegian dude and his faithful poodle.

Anyway, it was an awesome week, and while not for backpackers, Norway is just brilliant and I can't recommend it highly enough. I've got to say a massive thanks to TC and his family and friends. They did so much for me it was insane, and I can't wait to return the favour someday in Aus.

So I guess that's everything for the moment. I've got 4 more hours on this bus and if current trends continue, that means 2 more run throughs of Adam Sandler's masterpiece 'Jack and Jill' which has been dubbed in  Norwegian with one guy voicing every single character...to think all that fine female impersonating could be undone by these uncultured nords! Philistines!
Will  probably write next from London after a whirlwind ride through  Copenhagen, Amsterdam and Paris.

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Scandalous Scandos Part II

The fuck boat. The chlamydia cruise. The titstanic. (Ok that last one I made up). The viking line cruise from Finland to Sweden is known by many names, most of them skeezy. It's not really that hard to imagine to be fair. Take a few thousands georgeous Scandanavians, put them on a boat for 14 hours, add alcohol.... It's basically a porno plot.

So naturally I was looking forward to this cruise, especially since Jannica had managed to snag me a cabin so I actually had somewhere to sleep and put my bags. Unfortunately I realised the hard truth as soon as the ship took off, that while there may well be many STIs passed between shipmates on this boat, they were going to be between swinging 70 year olds, not the buxom Swedish masseuse team (they have competitions for that surely) I had imagined.

Actually it was for the best really. I was knackered after getting about 3 hours sleep the night before, and I could still taste strawberry and cream liquer from the night before. Luckily Jannica had managed to snag me a cabin so I had a bed to sleep on which was awesome. This I thought was very luxurious, right up until I realised I was on the floor below the livestock.

Seriously, this was the sign on the door on the level above mine.

So I went up to the top deck, watched the sunset, and then got a guy to take one last picture of me before I headed to bed....

Such good intentions

The guys who took my picture turned out to be poms and noticed my accent. We chatted for a bit, then they told me that they were going to get some dirty cheap brandy and have a few drinks. I decided to follow them, thinking that maybe one beer wouldn´t hurt. Then I found a bottle of jaeger for 15 euros that came with a free beanie!!!! The night sort of turned form there. I actually intended on just having one or two and saving it for Sweden, but that plan went out the window pretty quickly.

The cruise was hilarious, sort of like a mini scando vegas on a boat. They had a stage that just looked like it should have cabaret on it, but instead had a crooning Tina Turner lookalike, who sang polka music.

Pardon the shaky photo, I was polkaing.

It also had a karaoke bar, which bizarrely had goths singing tunes like the Bodyguard theme really really well.

After discussing the hilarity of singing the titanic tune while on a cruise we decided to move down to see Tina Turner do her thing. Down there we found that there were in fact five people between the ages of 18 and 30 on the boat when we met two cool Finn´s Elina and Katarina. From there the night sort of escalated. I dont remember the details but there was definitely polka dancing, karaoke music, and my Jaeger was gone by 10pm.... After being so excited about having a cabin I ended up getting about one hours sleep, and ended up being the skeeziest person exiting a boat that had just housed an octagenarian orgy.

Adding to my sense of shame for my attrocious condition was that I had just entered one of the most beautiful cities I've ever visited. I had mainly come to Stockholm to visit my old uni mates Henrik, Boris and Ani, but man am I glad I came. Stockholm is just georgeous. Trust the swedes to make a city to accesorise their chiseled features. The city is made up of the old city on an island at the centre featuring typical ye olde euro cobblestones, thin winding streets etc. Then the surrounding areas, despite not living up to the 'old' tag of the old city, are all just as amazing.

Classic swedish ass

Ye olde 7 eleven

Nobel Museum, and me looking all smart like

Town Hall, where the nobels are handed out.

Everything about this city is just beautiful. Science tells us that the average single Aussie male falls in love about once every 2 minutes while walking around Stockholm. I also loved the number of cyclists sharing the roads with the cars with zero road rage (the Scandanavians dont have a word Alan Jones). But my favourite bit of the city had to be the underground track which they've dug out of the bedrock and decided to let artists have at it creating just an awesome public art experience. It's just small things like this that I love and that can transform a city.

had to be done

This one had all the major historical events from recorded history along the walls, the skull for the plague was a nice touch.

I was lucky enough to have two lots of awesome tour guides, first the Finns from the boat showed me around, and then a couple of my couchsurfers from Newcastle stayed with me. My couchsurfers are three girls (though one couldnt make it) who my friend Gav and I had an awesome time with one weekend last year, the highlight of which was definitely catching them on camera singing Waterloo.

As I said earlier, I was mainly there visiting my uni mates, Henrik (swedish accountant), Boris (Aussie plying the Aussie accent on lovely Swedish girls), and Ani (Henrik's gf and ex Lander tennis player as well). Henrik and Ani were nice enough to let me crash on their couch the whole time I was there, give me a mobile to use while I was in town, and generally just be amazing hosts. The two nights I was in town we went out for a few beers, which ended up being alot each time, which was  then added to while meeting my two lots of tour guides afterwards for more drinks. This definitely didn't help my budgeting for my trip, but it was a great time. The most magic moment was definitely when Henrik ordered himself a lovely drink that would've fit right in with the shots I did in Hanko, and then managed to pair this moment of getting in touch with his feminine side with a very masculine nose pick, all caught on camera.

Anyway, it's about 4am again, and I should get some sleep. Tomorrow (today really, we're 1/6th of the way into it) is my last day in Norway, and I'll hopeully be able to update you on the amazing time I've had here in the next couple of days.
Caedyn

More about → Scandalous Scandos Part II

About this Blog

Hi. Just writing this for those new to my travel writings as a bit of a warning/guide.

You may have noticed that each of my posts so far have taken longer to read about than the events actually took to happen. This is for a few reasons, but mainly because I love to talk, at length, and in letters/blogs there's none of that pesky "listening" crap I have to endure before talking some more. But they're also really long because they're mainly for my mum. She doesn't seem to mind spending a lot of time reading my stories (she's says my writing is up there in entertainment value with some of her law books!) and as much as I love travelling I hate being away from my family and feel sort of guilty about it. So yeh, they're going to be long posts. If your not my mum, or can't speed read, but still like me enough to want to know a little about what I've been up to I recommend looking at the photos and maybe using your find function for keywords such as "beers", "amazing scenery" or "deceptively feminine lady boys" to find parts of my tales that you may enjoy. Otherwise I apologise and promise to try and make it at least a little interesting.

Secondly, I've got a couple of other things I want to do with this blog. Firstly, I'm coming up with a new cliches for each country while I'm on this trip. The old cliches are tired and causing a new generation to suffer for the patterns of their grandparents. Maybe this will mean that one day Aussie's wont feel the need to be massive bogans when they travel? This idea came about when I had a Danish backpacker and a German backpacker staying with me. The Danish girl informed me that whenever a German goes to the beach, they dig a hole and sit in it. Rather than refute it the German girl replied "Vell vat else do you do with a hole?" Magic!

That, and I also may try and write my own backpackers guide of the world I've been to. I guess that'll depend how much time I have on long bus and train trips, but if I find time I'll give it a shot.

Anyway, last thing I guess is an apology to all the unreturned facebook messages I have and will no doubt receive. I'm lucky enough to have a tonne of really good friends who care enough to ask me how things are going. Unfortunately I am now without a smart phone (I feel like I'm naked) and can't message you as easily as before, but hopefully this blog will keep you updated enough, and I can make it up to you when I get back over a few beers. But please, keep messaging me and let me know how everything is going back in Aus!

Well that's it. Thanks for reading!

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Scando Uni Mates: How to blow half your budget in your first month of backpacking

Well I'm in, on European time, and starting to feel a bit like a traveller. Actually I feel like I'm back at uni. So far I've stayed in three places, and each time it's been with an old College mate. I've read before that when you travel you'll spend twice as much money when you're with mates than when you're alone. I've also heard that Scandanavia is by far the most expensive place in the world to travel in. These are the only two facts which keep me from crying, rocking back and forward holding my knees every time I check my bank balance over here. The following are the awesome times I've blown my wad on.

First expensive scando country was Finland. Actually, Finland wasn't that expensive. Actually they're not even real scandanavians. Don't ever mention this within arms reach of one, but Finland is basically the lovechild of Scandanavia and Russia. They deny it, but there are statues of guys called Alexandr everywhere and they're really good at hockey = Russians. I stayed with my old college roomy Jannica. It's been absolutely ages since we've seen each other, but like all good friends it was pretty much straight back to where we left off: lots of banter, and her making me sandwiches and cleaning up after me. Unfortunately we also picked up where we left off with Jannica's football career. Back when we were at Lander, Jannica kicked a whole lot off arse as the ladies soccer teams striker. Unfortunately I was her kryptonite. I have never seen her score a goal, and the chances she's managed to miss have been comical. Others assure me that she can in fact kick a ball into an open net, but not while I'm about. This trend continued as poor Jannica hurt her foot right before I got there and was the saddest soccer player at training ever.

Apart from Jannica's foot, Finland was amazing. The people were lovely (apparently seeing the sun for the first time in 6 months makes them especially happy) and typically scanadanavianly beautiful, the food was awesome, and the alcohol plentiful. I spent the first few hours in Helsinki, which is classic euro city. Cobble stones in the old parts, beautiful architecture, buildings older than Australia, and immovable guards standing outside their dignitaries homes.

Fact: Guards love this

We then went back to Turku which is where Jannica lives with her now fiance Teppo. Teppo is awesome, and was great to hang out with. He's a chef, so not only did I get pampered by Jannica, but Teppo also just casually knocked up a gourmet feast one of the nights I was there. The two of them showed me around the town, we caught a few hockey games on tv (the world champs were being held in Finland when I was there and the Finns were going crazy for it) and very generously took me to an Aussie bar to see the very people I was trying to run away from (not you guys reading thid of course). Luckily they had one non Aussie beer there: Karhu - the only beer made for bears in handy 1L cans.

KARHU! So manly, engaged women are forbidden from looking at it.

I even caught a few of Jannica's training sessions where I got to learn how to use my camera a bit (photographing Scandanavian female athletes, someone has to do it) and met up a few times with one of Jannica's old friends, and team mate Anne Sofie (who I originally bonded graffitiing her good friends face in America...funnily enough that friend didn't come see me...). 

Anne Sofie on the left

After taking in Turku and basically hanging with Jannica and Teppo, Jannica and I went down to her hometown Hanko. Hanko is a really pretty beach town on the southern most mainland part of Finland (ha, bet you didnt think you'd learn stuff here aye). In Hanko I caught up with Jannica's mum, who is possibly my second favourite mum in the world. I met Mrs Finnberg (yeh, that's not a nickname, Jannica the Finn's surname is Finnberg. "Hi I'm Caedyn Ausberg") when she came to Jannica's graduation. We speak pretty much none of the same language as each other, but we both think that's pretty funny, so it's always lots of laughs when we're around each other. We met her at the service station she owns and she attempted to load me up with enough provisions for the rest of my 11 months travelling (btw I'm writing this in Norway and I should have taken her up on that). 

From there we went to Jannica's house to pregame for a party thaty night and to have a sauna....because Finns have sauna's in their houses!

After sweating out all the bad stuff from my body (vegetables, vitamins, etc) I then headed off with Jannica to our old friend Shady Pies. Her real name is Heidi or something like that, but no one who actually knows her would ever call her that. Shady just happened to be throwing a house party with a whole bunch of her beautiful Finnish girl friends. Crashing a girls night in scandanavia has obvious upsides:

With only one real downside, being made to drink fancy girl shots with lots of cream to go with my KARHU!! I had earlier:

Ah who am I kidding, they tasted like happiness.

As a first big night out it was definitely far more upper crust than I expected, and it was awesome catching up with the girls and seeing they were just as insane in Finland as they were in America. I'd love to tell you more stories about the night, but all I really recall was having dreams about my mouth being coated with strawberry jam. The next day I didn't feel crash hot until I realised my view was this:

 That combined with some loud punk music perked me right up, and Jannica and I raced around Hanko being tourists, and taking advantage of the balmy 17 degrees temperatures. I got to see where she'll make a very lovely bride in 15 months time, and where the reception will be after. She informed me that this therefore meant I had no further obligations to attend her wedding, and that she wouldn't never talk to me again if I didn't come. Brides...so understanding.

Maybe I can skype attend?

Sightseeing with Caedyn

After that it was back to Turku, stopping off one more time to say bye to Mrs. Finnberg, and then I reluctantly had to say my goodbyes to Jannica after a great start to the trip. I really can't thank Jannica (and Teppo) enough, but I think this drunken photo goes some of the way.

More about → Scando Uni Mates: How to blow half your budget in your first month of backpacking